It has recently occurred to me that my lack of material possessions might be mistaken for spirituality. I wanted to assure you all that this is not the case; I’m just poor. Seriously folks, I have very little money. But rest assured, if I did have money, I would own all types of unnecessary shit that I would enjoy on a purely superficial level. High Def TV? Why not, in fact, I’ll have a plasma and an LCD. Oh, and one of those new ones, you know with the mirrors? Yeah, give me one of them too.

As far as my spirituality goes, I basically believe the universe exists so that I have a place to keep my stuff. Which, admittedly, there isn’t very much of. Honestly, it’s kind of a waste of space. Which is exactly why you should all buy me things.

I’m not greedy, I’m trying to restore order to the cosmos.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to check my E-mail… on my roommate’s computer.